Raising Children vs. Raising Adults

Kids these days. A common phrase I had never DREAMED of using when I was younger. Today I find myself saying it more and more as the gap between me and High School graduates grows significantly larger.

 Now that I am a parent I dub myself an expert at child rearing and shall offer my opinions and judgments freely to others parents…just kidding! I am NO expert, far from it. Everyday I learn something new from my kids and other parents around me. This post is simply an observation, an opinion formed from A) having once been a kid, B) working with youth/young adults, and C) the smallest bit I have learned being a mother to a 5 and almost 1 year old.

 Back in the day, in my parent’s time, children were workers. They worked on the farm, worked in the shop, the family store, etc.  When they were done their chores they could play. They also knew HOW to play, use their imagination, resolve conflict, quickly learn about action and consequence, and finally you were NOT entitled nor deserved anything, you earned it. 

Now many decades have passed. There are a VAST amount of studies and articles about the effects of too much technology. I will not delve into that. There is also the sad and disturbing reality that our world is not safe. The increase in abductions, molestations, child abuse etc. has led to the sad state where we can no longer send our children off to the park unsupervised to play until supper. Even at the tail end of my childhood that was coming to effect.

 So what is the point of this article? Well, somehow with all the changes that have happened we have gone from raising well-adjusted, self-reliant adults, to over grown children.  There are a MULTITUDE of factors that play into this, but I am going to focus on the easy fixes as well as the LESS offensive….. 

RESPECTING ADULTS (age FOREVER)

Raising a Child

Never follow through on consequences.  Allow said child to speak disrespectfully to you, and/or other adults.  NO Really means YES if you ask and whine enough. Allowing said child to argue every decision you make…and LETTING THEM WIN!

VS.

Raising an Adult

Follow Through (no matter how crazy the consequence is at the time you laid it out in your black out rage…including and not limited to giving all their toys away if they don’t clean, perhaps taking a beat before threatening would help) AND the OPPOSITE of everything Else!

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CLEANING ROOM (age 3 - forever)

Raising a Child

Do it for them. Allow them to whine and complain until you do it for them. Don’t teach them to do it properly or punish them for not doing it properly and end up redoing it for them.

VS.

Raising an Adult

MAKE THEM DO IT. MAKE THEM DO IT PROPERLY.

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DISHES (age 5-forever)

Raising a Child

Refer to cleaning room.

VS.

Raising an Adult

Refer to cleaning room. Obviously adjusting to their capability and age. Even just starting out by helping, and learning how to clear their dishes.

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LAUNDRY (age 10-forever)

Raising a Child

Doing their Laundry for them…even when they are in college….and Married….and then doing their children’s laundry.

VS.

Raising an Adult

Teach them how…and cut your laundry load in HALF!

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PLAY TIME (age: forever)

Raising a Child

Technology overload. Tell them what, when and How to play. Helicopter parent so as not to let any hurt or conflict touch your sweet innocent child.  Immediately tell the other kid’s parent how bad of a parent they are because their child pushed your child.

VS.

Raising an Adult

LET THEM PLAY. We call it LAZY parenting. I actually heard a 6 year old say they didn’t know what an imagination was the other day! WHAT? Let them get dirty, stop watching every second. Let them get hurt. Let them solve their own conflict. This is why most of the world is SO passive Aggressive and doesn’t know how to receive criticism. Allow them to make mistakes.

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SCHOOL (age 5 to graduation)

Raising a Child

Your child is the perfect Angel that never does anything wrong. The teacher is just a hard ass, and doesn’t know what they are talking about.  They can never be failed, so who cares if they actually do the work. Do the Volcano project for them because it takes less time. Think it’s just a phase and they will get over it.

VS.

Raising an Adult

This is a big one…. SIDE WITH THE TEACHERS….Unless the teacher is a total BEAST…I have met VERY few of those. If they say your child is NOT doing their homework, being a disruption in class, or is disrespectful, chances are ITS TRUE! If your kid got a low grade in class, chances are they deserve it. (I could go on about the whole school institution and how it’s DEFINITELY NOT geared towards a LARGE number of youth, but that is a WHOLE other article.) I am also mostly focusing on JR. HIGH/HIGH SCOOL here, unless there is an actual issue in terms of learning, OR the entire class is doing really badly because of a poor teacher, then chances are they did not EARN a higher grade and fighting the teacher on that is just teaching them that hard work is unnecessary if you know how to bully in the right way. In which case refer to RESPECTING ADULTS. Children, youth, adults are NOT perfect. They have to learn. If they are NEVER disciplined for their actions they turn into the jerk next to you at work you CANT stand!

School age is NOT just a phase they get over, it is actually their most FORMATIVE years. Treat them as such. 

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I am sure I will probably add to this list as I go on with life. These are just some ways I have noticed the change in attitude, expectations and work ethic I have seen in the new adults coming out of school. The mentality of “I deserve this” or “You should do this for me” has been entrenched in a VERY large population and it’s scary to think about what that means for our future. You don’t have to look very far to see the results. I guess to summarize, I am a firm believer that kids should have their childhood, they should be allowed to be kids but we need, I believe, to find balance between protecting, providing and preparing. If you can find that sweet spot with your kids, the person sharing a cubicle with them in the future will thank you.

And just because this is a Catholic blog…. in the words of my husband, Catholic jerks are just Jerks…please don’t have a hand in raising one.


Sharon Leyne